White horse
by Shin-kai Syndrome
Summary: That day, still fresh in my mind. Both of us making promises for each other and never thought of what we'll become... what I'll become. It's fine. I'm sure he'll treasure you. Unlike me. No matter how I dream on our pass and the time I hurt you and myself… I couldn't rewind the time... Now i can only watch you smile, with him by your side.


**Firstly, I would like to apologies for my horrible grammar and immature writing skills... Basically, I write fanfiction to record my fantasy on the characters I like, so you might find it quite…random. But still, whoever you are, I hope you enjoy this little twist of the story between Rin, Haruka and Makoto ****  
Usual warning: this fanfiction contains BL and heart-breaks.  
Btw, not to forget the usual disclaimer : I do not own Free! Iwatobi Swim Club and the characters**

* * *

… **White Horse…**

My eyes flung open, startled by the bursting melody play directly into my ears and immediately pull the pair of earphones away from my ear canal… my eardrums rang uncomfortably, thanks to the sound abuse moments ago.  
"Damn my alarm and earphones… But how did I actually forget to take it off?"  
I don't remember wearing my earphones in the first place.  
" That… really hurts."  
I complain, as my brows narrowed when I try rubbing my temples to sooth my brain that throb with pain and my mind that somehow feel like it had spun in circles…

Getting up, I shakily move down the coach I sleep in, just to step on a bottle that just oh-so-coincidence place on the side of the coach which I misstep it… and the wonderful good-pal I call gravity gladly pull my leg and send me stumble on the floor, knocking my knee straight on the hard concrete floor…  
"ARGH! What morning is this?!"

I yell at the jolt of pain and frustrated on a morning like this. Wobbly, I get myself up to sit on the couch, massaging my knees that stamp with a bright red spot. "Damn." I gently rub on the new bruise, ignoring my aching head. While I try to sooth the pain on my knee I look around the hotel room, just to see the whole place littered with bottles and bottles of alcohol drinks. Vodkas and beer…shots after shots are drank until the bottom pit and lifelessly adorn across the white tile floor like glass decoration.

Guess I know the reason now.

As memories of last night replay in my mind…

I drank a lot.

I softly kick away the bottles on the floor, as I get up and waltz my way to the kitchen with my throbbing head, hopping that I could find some pills that would ease my terrible hangover. I'm lucky enough that I was drunk by myself. I won't want anyone see me like this…. Especially them. 5 years had pass since I last saw them at the tournament…

And him.

" Found it… now… maybe a cup of coffee would help."  
While I'm making a cup of coffee to go with the pills, I started to scan through my mind, all faces that I'm familiar with run through my head.  
Later I would be seeing them all.  
Do I really want to see them? Especially… Wait,

"Fuck!" I curse and roughly let go off the cup I was holding, and it fell on the surface hard, spilling hot steamy liquid all over the whole kitchen counter. Damn, I forgot that I'm pouring the hot water, and now hot coffee overflowed the cup and burn my hand … first a bruise on my knee and now I burn my hand. Right. Add on with my hangover, this morning is practically a disaster for me. I think, I should get toothpaste to put on there to ease the pain. So…bathroom.

"Better, I guess." My hand Is covered with a thin layer of toothpaste, the minty cold sensation cooled the burning itch. Now that I'm here, I should wash myself too…

I turn on the tap water and use my palm to hold on some fresh liquid to wash… then I saw my reflection inside the mirror…

I was momentary shock.  
I look pale, with baggy eyes and dark circles, my usual straight hair is in a terrible mess… and there's a trail of dry substance that draw a curve line down from the bottom of my eye until my jaw… So, I did cried.  
"Hahah." I let out a soft chuckle, as I put my palm against my forehead. I don't want to remember how I feel last night. I don't want to remember anything from the past. Not now. Not when I had to go there today…

Looking into the mirror again, I tell myself.

" Mastuoka Rin. If you are a man, than stop agonizing like a girl."

"Because, you know you can't change anything."

And I splash a handful of cold water on my face.

* * *

"_Rin, didn't we promise? To swim together?"_

_He look at me with eyes that fill with concern and move nearer to me. I only stare at the huge tree in front of me, ignoring him.  
"You came here… because you remember our promise." He said again, attempting to break the silence atmosphere.  
"I would not say things like I understand but.."_

_My mind was in a fuzz. I don't want to hear anything! Why… why do he had to come and torment me every time I'm in my worse state? I can't swim in the relay. I'm not good enough. Laugh at me! Don't show me your stupid concern! I scream in my heart as my fist clench tight.  
"Everyone care about you. We are a team no matter where you are…"_

"_Fuck What team." I shout at him, eyes as cold as ice. He was shock at my response, and only look at me with a pair of trembling sincere eyes, which I found it annoying that moment. I unleashed all my anger on him.  
"You talk like you can help me. But in the end… you can't even move out of your own lump." I point out, with a sneer, looking directly in his blue orbs this time. "Don't put up the show in front of me." I say and decided to walk away. As I walk pass him, he grab my hand. Pissed enough, I glare daggers at him. "Let go…"  
And I see his face. His eyes widen, his brow narrowed, he look hurt like a lost puppy.  
" I never meant to hurt you. I never act in front of you. I only want to swim with you again…"  
I slap away his hand. "Find your sunshine. They will gladly swim with you."_

"_But they are not you, Rin."_

_I want to walk away, run away._

"_I like you." My track stops, as I heard his confession. "All these year. Keeping our promise…"_

_What's use liking someone like me? I'm useless… I grip my fist tight, and turn around to face him.  
Seriously. He likes me.  
I don't want to think about anything connected to swimming anymore!  
Even him.  
A mocking smile form on my lips. I walk to the spot under the tree, spotting the few words he wrote. 'For the team'…and another line of words of a promise…  
"You mean these?"_

_I step on the words harshly, rubbing them off the land, deleting their existence.  
"Hn. I never liked you! That was only child's play…" I smirk at the ravenette in front of me.  
"Don't tell me you took it seriously. Guess even though I'm useless, I wasn't dumb."_

_I turn around, hands in my pocket, my nails digging in my flesh as I throw harsh words on him._

"_You're just a barrier that I couldn't peel off from my vision, Haruka. I ache to win you. So why would I like you?"  
That moment when those words leave my mouth, I feel that everything is so wrong. My soul feel likes someone is cutting it into pieces. My heart is rip open raw. My brain tends to stop functioning… But I couldn't stop hurting him and… me.  
He stood there, head lower, looking at the ground._

_I shouldn't say anything more than that…_

"_I won't swim anymore… good too."_

_But each words pour out my mouth without pause._

"_At least that means I don't have to see you anymore."_

_And I turn my heels and walk away. Before that, I catch a glimpse of the usual cool ravenette tremble…his fist roll into a ball and…  
A single tear drop reek out and drop onto the ground…._

_I bite my lip, as tears began to water up my eyes, my finger nails never stop digging into the flesh on my palm, directing my sensory on pain from my heart… to the now bleeding palm._

_I crush his heart, as well as mine._

* * *

I look at myself in the full length mirror. After a quick bath, I look better than just now… at least I look human enough. I am wearing a button-up long sleeve shirt and tight jeans, the black material of the clothes contrast against my slight tan skin. The long sleeve is roll up until it reach my elbow and my untamed hair moment ago is tied into a pony tail, the end of the strands of hair reach my shoulder…I think this would do.

Stuffing my keys and phone in my right jeans pocket and wallet in the left one, I left the hotel room.

It's 9 a.m., and a sunny Sunday shone over the streets in this small town.

Iwatobi change a lot after all these years, I guess.

Many youngster hanging around in groups, high-schoolers flooding the cafe's, mini cinema, bookstores and entertainment complex. Children playing and chasing each other around the corners, licking ice-cream and laughing, with their parents doted over them… Merry. Very crowded and merry… not the type of place I favor to spent my day.

After an hour, I'm getting nearer to my destination. This place located at the border side of the town, further away from the sea yet it have a higher landscape and offer a luscious picturesque scene of the calm alluring ocean. The crowd decreases drastically here, only a handful of people found walking around in their own pace… slow and serene. This new small street have a relaxing atmosphere that seem to uplift my mood, and it have a touch of wonder that can let anyone let their guard down.

Ao no Michi ( means the Road of Blue), the name of the street proudly stood hanging from a white plate at the junction that lead me there.

They do have a keen eye on choosing this place, most probably Makoto is the one who decide this venue. This place suit him. And Haruka. It may be less modernize(and a little left-out), but a perfect place for that occasion nothing less…

There it is.  
My eyes look down on the map on my phone screen, and look up again at my destination.

A small local shrine… Beside the shrine, floods of white decorated the open ground. Sea of white wave fill in my vision as I take in the sight before me while I walk nearer and nearer. There are chairs, tied with ribbons and decorated with the powder blue hydrangea. A recipient table set just beside a simple entrance gate. Like everything else, it is also decorate with white ribbons, but with white camellias and sapphire blue crystals that trace along the curve of the small temporary entrance gate… a blue carpet make a line between two rows of chairs and at the end of the blue carpet stood a temporary stage.

A last touch to this dreamy avenue is the pink petals of Sakura… Raining over the ceremony that will soon held here.

Everyone had arrived, most of them consist of people who I know… Makoto's parent and siblings, Their high school club teacher, coach Sasabe , the speedo glases(Rei), Nagisa, my sister… hell, why even Captain Seijuuro came too? And also Makoto, who stood in the center of attraction, smiling bashfully and shy but obviously very happy, greeting everyone. He is wearing a clean neat white suit and a bow tie… but the suppose trousers is switch with a black swimming trunks.(Thanks to someone…)

I stop advancing, and watch them under the pink shades of Sakura tree.

Everyone look so happy, blissful.

Like a harmonize drawing that materialize from a happy ending of a fairy tale.

A total contrast to my down hearted emotions.

My eyes never left the crowd, talking, laughing, chatting, smiling and teasing Makoto…

My right hand drift up to my chest, as I clench on the fabric of my shirt tightly, hoping to ease the pain that came horrendously like a sudden storm, watching them being happy for the ceremony, watching Makoto smile… My hand clench into a fist, crumpling my shirt. The pain isn't going away any minute, I knew. A work of futile I knew, but I always do it unconsciously every time I thought of him, like a child that believe if he close his eyes and pray hard enough, his dead little hamster would revive.

Maybe I shouldn't have come after all.

But… I know I wanted to see him on this day.

At least from a distance.

A clear toll of the shrine's bell signal every guest to take their seat. As the guest are still talking over each other, A beautiful piano melody began to play, joining the pink petals that fall upon the holly occasion taking place right here, right now.

A soft step is heard from the entrance and everyone went silent.

I was enchanted.

By him… again.

Just like the time I saw him swim in relay with me when we were younger.

He walk in the entrance, following the melody. Each step that he take is full of life, but calming like the sea of a warm spring. Dress in a simple *lilac dyed yukata, his sight, his heart, his whole world all seem to devoted to the man at the end of the blue carpet.  
He stop walking for a while, And I can see him gripping tightly his yukata at the sides while his face remain unchanged. I chuckle in my heart. He's very nervous but he don't want to admit it, I'm sure... But then… he surprise me with a fond loving smile… towards Makoto. Makoto is looking at him too, with all the love he had.

Their affection towards each other is clear in the air.  
My heart throbbing with pain.

Waking nearer and nearer, his faint smile glow with every step he take that brings him closer to Makoto. Makoto hands already reach out, wanted to take his hands into his and hold him tight.. He slowly lift his hands up, and take that hand with full confidence. His eyes never left Makoto.  
The two of them never break their eye contact, even when they were standing close to each other, even when the monk announce the end of the ritual, even when everyone came up to congratulated them, even when they kiss…

I lay my back on the Sakura tree.

Unable to control my tears, as they make their way across my cheek.

Slowly, I slide down, like a deflated balloon, lying there lifelessly.

My phone drop out, hitting on a small branch before it hit flat on the ground. The screen blink with a screen saver photo of me… and my dearest Haruka , our last day at elementary school, squatting under the shades of Sakura tree we love, just beside the bricks of words…

'_Free', he wrote._

'_For the team' I wrote._

'_Haruka will wait for Rin', at the far bottom of the brick, he wrote._

'_Rin will come and bring Haruka away' at the far most bottom of the brick, I wrote._

'_A promise' We both wrote, as we stretch our pinkie and lock the small finger together, smiling fondly at each other._

_Those days will never come, as I destroy it myself._

* * *

"_Rin…"_

"_Hmm? What is it, Haru?"_

"_Are you sure about going to Australia?"_

"_Positive! It's my dream to be an Olympic swimmer right? To acheive that… I had to go there."_

_Haruka frown as he stare at the bricks that we wrote. I only watch him and record his adorable expression…  
"I would miss everyone you know, Haru."  
"I...I'll miss you, Rin."_

_Looking at the bricks, both of us fell into a depressing silence.  
"Rin… can't you stay? Must it be Australia? Isn't Iwatobi…"_

"_Haru, I told you all the reason... right?"_

"_But I like you, so can you stay?"_

_His eyes, fill with hope, hope that I can stay by his side. I know I couldn't. I can't stay here. To achieve my father's dream… Australia is the only way._

"_Sorry… Haru…"_

_He only look down, his eyes actually water up. This is the first time I see Haru with teary eyes. I feel hurt that I make him feel like this. The, a sudden idea strike me._

_I kiss Haru on his forehead, which make Haru glance up at me._

"_Remember what the story sensei told us? About the prince that pick up the princes on a white horse after he success in killing the monster?"_

"_Mmm…" Haru nod._

"_SO, I promise to you, Haruka."_

_I hold his hands tight, and pull him down so we're squatting down beside the bricks. I pick up a chalk and add:_

"_That when I become an Olympic swimmer, I would come back in a white horse… with a gold medal as an extra, and bring Haruka with me and never let go!"_

_I smile at him assuring. He fought away the tears that accumulate at the corner of his eyes and smile back,_

"_Than… I'll wait for you here." He took the chalk on my hand and scribble more words below his brick, his eyes determined and serious._

_Looking at him, my eyes were confident. I was confident that this dream would become true. I kiss him again, but this time on his lips.. as I lock both of our pinkies together._

"_A promise."_

* * *

_But… now…_

_I can only hate myself for being a jerk._

_I can only wish you happy with him._

_I'm sure that he will treasure you and never hurt you._

_Unlike me._

_No matter how I dreamt on our pass and the time I hurt you and myself…_

_I couldn't rewind the time._

_It's too late for me and my white horse…_

_To catch you now._

* * *

***lilac = purplish white colour**

**AAAAAAAHHHHH… finish this by 1a.m. in the morning. And I was supposed to study for my test. (Screw Chemistry!) So… I actually have a few story that I thought of for Free! Fanfic but… I only start to write one on the day the anime ended. (brilliant. Just brilliant. **_**And I only decide to post it now…**_**) **_***cough! **_**So… pity RIn witnessing Haruka that he love marry off with Makoto, but it end like that due to his own decision to distant away from Haruka.… the idea just strike me when I listen to the song 'white horse'.(Even though it doesn't even follow the story of the song. I just like the last sentence of the lyrics.) I was replaying the song the whole time when I'm writing this ff… now it's stuck in my head.**

**Anyway… I hope this ff doesn't disappoint you (especially if rinharu is your OTP)… and here's a omake I decided to add on:**

(omake)

"Haru-chan." I glance at my lover beside me. His eyes look into mine. I can see that he is worry… "you've been spacing out for a while, you know." He warmly smile, before he give me a peck on my forehead. "What things could be running in your mind until you could space out on your wedding night?"

I smile back, letting myself embrace by the huge strong arms.

"Nothing, Makoto."

"Lying. You know you couldn't lie to me."

I chuckle as Makoto poke me at my waist as punishment.. "Mako..to…(laugh) Stop.. it tickles."  
"Not until you tell me." His hands find its way to my hair and caressing them with full attention.

"It's Rin… isn't it?"

My eyes widen at how precise Makoto can guess my thoughts. I feel guilty at the moment, for thinking about Rin when I have Makoto.  
But, with Sakura trees surrounding this place, I can't help but think back the memories of me and Rin… When we made the promise. And when he break the promise.

I wonder if he never go to Austrailia… would he and I standing at where me and Makoto stand this morning, saying our vows?

"Haru-chan.. Are you sad that he doesn't attend?"

Makoto hugs me from behind as he pat my head.

"I know things between the two of you…"

"Shh… Makoto." I turn around, facing my dearest childhood friend, my lover, who now is my husband.  
The only one worth loving this moment…  
"I am thinking about him. But I only love you now."  
Softly, I place a kiss on my soul mate's lips.  
He is the only one for me. He's who I treasured now.

"I know."

And both of us smile… walking into my house.  
Our house.  
**(OwO) End.**


End file.
